41 - I get letters

Surya, of course, thought I was crazy not to have expected to them. Hundreds of them.

†

Dear semanakraseye Chevenga:

I am stunned, bewildered, lost. How, after all you’ve done for your people, can you think you deserve a young death? You saved us—have you forgotten that? Do you have any idea how much love we have for you, after the Arkan war, how grateful every single person in Yeola-e is? How can we show it, how can we prove it to you, how can we make sure we don’t lose you?

If I could grab you by the shoulders and shake you, I would. It’s madness, the kind that sometimes goes with brilliance, that’s all it is—ignore it, throw it off, get rid of it! We love you, Fourth Chevenga Shae-Arano-e. If you died part of our hearts would die with you. So don’t!

I am not signing this, because I think I speak for every person in Yeola-e. Let these words be from all of us.

†

Shefenkas:

What delight it was to my ears to hear that you have been haunted with death-knowledge, I cannot begin to say. Deserve to live? No one who has ever lived deserves to die more than you.

I speak for my beloved uncle, my dear brother and my four cousins all cut down in the flower of their lives by your barbarians, and my precious niece and darling sister, outraged and slain in the sack. I know in my heart that all the Gods have decreed the most horrific death a man ever suffered for you, and the deepest place in the bowels of Hayel, where you will be held in the most agonizing instant that a man suffers when he is smothered, for all eternity. May you enjoy it well.

With the hatred that burns in every sinew and always will,
[name redacted for his own protection]

†

To: Fourth Chevenga Shae-Arano-e
Demarch of Yeola-e
From: Kemshaer of Haiuroru,
Speaking Elder, Haiu Menshir

Greetings, Fourth Chevenga:

It is almost beyond my powers of expression to convey the happiness with which I and the Council and all Haiu Menshir greet the news of your decision to cast aside the weapons of war and choose the way of peace.

The ultimate goal that all Haians share, towards which we work applying our healing powers, is the cessation of war; the settlement of all disputes by understanding, discussion and compromise rather than force; the people of the world living in peace, both in their nations and in their hearts. Peace without comes from peace within, and peace within comes from peace without, both. It is a world in which this circle works unbroken that all Haians strive to create.

Many say it is impossible, the dream of foolish idealists who refuse to see reality; they argue that bloodshed is part of human nature. Our position is that the capacity to choose bloodshed is part of human nature; but the capacity to choose otherwise is no less part. We have faith that humanity is capable of living in total peace, if all humans will but choose to.

Perhaps you share this belief, perhaps not. Either way, we are deeply moved and heartened that a person of your stature, and one so renowned as a practitioner of warfare, has decided to renounce it. You are an example and an inspiration to a great many. Your rejection of war will make all people who admire you consider it at least as a possibility for themselves, and will make some people contemplate it seriously who otherwise never would have. To our mind, your going beyond the sword, as your people put it, is a major shift towards our goal, bringing the promise of universal peace that much closer. Perhaps you have that intent, perhaps not; either way, we think, the result is the same. For that we cannot begin to know how to thank you.

If there is any way in which we may assist or support you in everything you are doing, you need but ask. All the resources of Haiu Menshir are at your disposal.

For all Haians,
Kemshaer

†

To: Fourth Chevenga Shae-Arano-e,
Semanakraseye and chakrachaseye of Yeola-e:

You will have heard some of our representations already, and you may be sure you will hear more, but we also think it best to set our position down in writing for the record. We hope you will forgive the strength of our wording; we feel nothing less is appropriate to the subject.

In 1548, it seemed that Yeola-e as a nation of free people was at an end. We were conquered except around the edges and in the mountains; there was no army left but a few thousand with no effective leader. There was only one hope that kept us from despairing entirely, throwing down our weapons and giving ourselves as slaves to the Arkans: you.

[Here a lengthy description of my return to Yeola-e, the funding and alliances I gained, and my various victories in the Arkan War, written in such pruriently loving detail I squirmed to read it and will not quote it.]

Fourth Chevenga, there is no one who could have done this, no one who could have saved us, but you. You cannot deny it.

The Arkan War happened in our lifetimes. The like could happen again. There has never been a time in the history of Yeola-e that we were not beset with enemies on all sides. We cowed the Arkans well enough that they aren’t likely to try again for a long time; but while we are friends with the Lakans and the Enchians, that could change the moment they sense weakness in us. Or some tyrant with a vast army from an unknown land could come, by ship or horse. Always there will be “those who will not hear your words of justice and sense,” and the only bulwark against that is our strength as warriors.

So how can you even consider going asa kraiya? We don’t argue that it is in itself an honourable choice; many are the people we hold in high regard who have done it. But, in our opinion, for you to do it is—and it hurts our hearts to write this, to make you read this word applied to you, who are so deserving of every accolade—treason. Beyond treason, in truth: it could be the murder of your whole people, in spirit if not in body.

If Yeola-e were to be invaded again, and you did not take up arms, and let us be conquered when you—the one person capable—might otherwise stop it, what else can one call it?

Thus it is inconceivable to us, and must be to every Yeoli, that you would even consider permanently laying down the sword. As your Yeoli kin in All-Spirit, as fellow warriors who have shared the sweat and blood of battle with you, as your friends, and as those who might someday die or become slaves should you make this decision, we ask you to reconsider.

Sincerely,
Hurai Kadari,
for the Alliance of Warriors of Yeola-e, undersigned.

[Accompanied by a petition with 4,275 signers, of whom I knew personally about one in seven, including all of those who held higher rank than milakraseye.]

†

Dear Fourth Chevenga:

Do you remember, when the Arkans destroyed Shakora, they left a hundred men alive? I am one of them. I lost all my family: my two wives, my husband, all our children, my parents, my shadow-parents, my grandparents, my inlaws. I lost everyone, since my kin have all been Shakoran for a long time. I lost all my friends too.

You make me break my silence. I’ll tell you now what I’ve never told anyone, since everyone else who witnessed it is dead. [In respect of his wishes that only I should know, I redact what he described. I will say only that it concerned what Arkan soldiers did to his children, in front of all their parents’ eyes; and that, given these soldiers were human, it makes one ashamed to also be human.]

I went to Thara-e to join the underground. I saw no other reason for my life. My heart was very hardened and locked up and bitter. I made no friends. I wanted to do nothing but drink and kill Arkans. I wouldn’t admit it then, but I began being drunk all the time, enough that I made mistakes. They caught me. They truth-drugged me for everything I knew, so that twenty-three more of us were caught. They knew I was from Shakora and had already suffered from being the one left alive, so they killed all the others in front of me, raped me until I thought I would die, hamstrung me, thumbed me and left me on a street for others to find.

There were only two things that kept me alive after that, semanakraseye. One was that I couldn’t climb to the top of a cliff to jump off it, or hold a weapon to stab myself. The other was the news that we were starting to win, because you’d come back. So I thought, I’ll kill myself, somehow, when I’ve heard the last Arkan has been driven out and the stone circles are raised again. Then I thought, I’ll kill myself, somehow, when Arko has been sacked and Chevenga has pissed on Kurkas’s dead face.

But I never did kill myself, semanakraseye, and this is what I want to say to you. The people of Myeterae took me in, got me off wine, healed me and showed me love even though they’d all been through the fire too. And I have learned to want life again.

For years, every day I would think of all the people I ever loved, and I’d look at myself in the mirror and think, “How is it that out of everyone, I’m alive? How do I have the right, when they are all dead?” And for a long time it felt wrong. I was a shadow of myself, and didn’t really live, because I didn’t feel that I deserved to.

But people would say to me—listen hard to this, semanakraseye—“How would your dying help anything? It’s not going to bring anyone back to life. There’s no justice in it, since you weren’t the killer. All those dead people would say ‘No!’ if they knew. What would they cry to you, other than, ‘Not you too! Stay alive, Kamanera! Stay alive as we loved you!’ What else would they say?”

I kept my heart locked up at first. I let no one in, told them all to go rape sheep, and didn’t listen to what they said. But they kept saying it, until I did. I saw that it made sense, and I unlocked my heart. I don’t have the words for what it felt like, when I let someone put their arms around me for the first time in five years, or the first time I let out the tears.

So I am saying to you, Fourth Chevenga, that I know you’ve been through terrible shit too, but it can’t be worse than mine. If I can get over wanting to die, so can you. Being who you are, you must have far more people loving you and standing for you and cherishing you than I ever did. If your heart is still locked up, it’s because you are not listening to them. The people wills, semanakraseye, so you have to listen to me when I say listen to them. And unlock your heart. Trust me, right now you cannot imagine how good it will feel when you do. So do it.

With love,
Kamanera Shae-Simisa

P.S. – you know that Shakora is one of those places where there has to be a town, since it’s at the end of the part of the river that ships can travel, so as soon as the Arkans were gone, people started rebuilding. The plan for laying the cornerstone of the new town hall is that those men out of the hundred who are left, about seventy of us, are all going to take the stone in our hands, pass it from one to the next, starting with the oldest, and the youngest is going to lay it. You haven’t heard because this isn’t all official yet, and when the date is set you’ll get a proper town invitation, but let me tell you now how great an honour and joy it would be for us if you were there.