123 - Forever like sky

To: Ivaen Chevenga Shae Aranoi

From: Megan Lixandskaya [Vitlak]

Os faiyu d’os, Chevenga!

To be going away on a trading voyage, am I, with you to be planning the Imperatorship to be giving up and Kallijas being set for it, all volksmut and coming back finding chaos, normal is I suppose but disconcerting is.

Zingas Vetry took us... hmmm. How you say it? Upriver is word for it but down... past city state Skadai down... took iron with us we did brought back strange gems and gold. Went past stone mountains, we did, that the Ypt people claimed built by men were and more than ten thousand years old are. Stories I have to tell when next to you visit I am.

And finding out I am that you as short-lived as a Zak you considered yourself? Imperator voted in is Aan whelp? Kallijas only two years to be being Imperator? You being stuck in lung are nearly to dying? To be working on fixing head to not die Zak young are? To be jaw-dropped I am.

To be being checked, are you, that your gift is not manrauq enough to be killing you young? If not, to be pleased I would be if you are doing!

Awfully sick you must be, of people to be saying variations on ‘That explains SO much!’ and ‘I always thought you were nuts, anyway.’ When walked away from you in Arko, I did, when you were in thirst, thought I literally ‘I hope he doesn’t crazy himself to death.’ Very glad I am that you didn’t succeed in Catching the Wolf – Shininao you call Him I am thinking – and that this Surya fellow has you to be convinced you that you deserve it not.

Expected to die before you did I, not you before I... that would be wrong being... As Zak, for power we paying are. To be playing tag with the Wolf seductive is. Seductive as magic, the more you are doing, the more you are wanting and yet ultimately the addiction killing you is. So understanding have I for your thought. Powerful you were. Die young you should, to be thinking you would... but not good thinking. Long-lifers, Yeolis are. And young you are. Live to hundred I am wishing you.

Not that I am to be wishing my own life away, nor call to me the Wolf, early. To be knowing how hard I am fighting against dying, to be understanding this. But expected this was not. Once you are settling in your head and your life less full is... I would be liking to come and show you stories about the Ypt, living south of the stone mountains are. They, to be living forever try... by drying their dead and say the dead live on after life... to me the dead still dead look.

If needing to retreat you are, from all arm waving, you welcome are at my House. In F’talezon or Brahvniki… Bought new property there I have and show it to you I would be liking to do. It is not to be being the un-repainted ex brothel where offices are being (Half the neighborhood petitioning me is to re-paint and the other half to be thinking I leave it should because it is become ‘quaint’ – these people!)

Another letter is to be coming along from Shk’aira, who very grumpy is, pregnant being, by Shyll, and Rilla and Shyll both to be sending love and regards and long life wishes. Sovee back is from her school for a short time and is to be thinking of to your Yeoli School of the Sword applying, even though her romance with the Yeoli boy not lasting did past their first visit. Lixand and Ardas well are doing, though mischievous.

Looking forward to long years I am now, right way around, till the Wolf catching me is not you, to be drinking with! No long voyages planning am I now, too much interesting around you is!

Avritha doing well is, no? Not mention it, would she, but escaped she from manrauq assassin did, just after I coming home was. Home to Brahvniki, now. Needing to stay closer to home, thinking am I. Ranion too soon gone is, and Avritha shakier with her vote throne, also. Supporting her will I be, from here. Also, finding friends near dead while gone am I not good!

Enclose a gemstone I am, the Ypt call ‘afis’, as seeing it, it is blue like sky. Forever like sky. To be wishing long life, I to you with it am.

In long life, semanakraseye Chevenga,

Am I, Megan Lixandskaya [Vitlak] by her own hand

†

Excerpt from the proceedings of the Chevengani Mental State Assessment Committee, etesora 78, Y. 1556

Chanae Salhanil, Servant of Kaholil: How would you say your marriage with him has been?

Niku aht Tanra nar sept Taekun: Very wild. I have a temper and too often say things I shouldn’t. I am working on it.

Cha: Very wild? You mean, you and he have many quarrels?

Ni: We do.

Cha: How often would you say?

Ni: It is more often when he is under strain. We hardly fought at all when he was not semanakraseye the first time. It was worst when he was Imperator.

…

Cha: How confident are you that things will work out well?

Ni: I am now entirely confident it we will work it out.

…

Linasika Aramichiya, Servant of Michelere: I thank you, sib President. Niku, has there ever been violence between Chevenga and you?

Ni: Yes. I slammed him up against a pillar after Vriah was poisoned.

Li: … You did?

Ni: Yes. I put my nose up to his and told him I was taking the children out of that stinking pit... as I said, I have a temper. He was very understanding about how angry I was. I’m not proud of that.

Li: Did you... injure him?

Ni: No, I did not. I winded him.

Li: And he did nothing to retaliate?

Ni: No. He understood why. He was just as angry, and he was so good to let me vent like that.

Kusiya Aranin, Servant of Terera South: I’ll say he was.

Li: He was just as angry as you?

Ni: Yes, some nameless Arkan had just managed to almost kill one of our children. We never found out who.

Li: Why were you angry at him? How had he provoked it?

Ni: As I recall, I and the children were in Arko because of his decision to be Imperator... I blamed him for us being in danger. I was not in a good way; that was after our child had died in the stream and, I hadn’t let out that grief yet.

Li: And he has never done you violence?

Ni: No, he has not.

Li: Has he ever insulted you?

Ni: Not deliberately.

Li: Truly?

Ni: No, sib. Not that I recall. I may misunderstand something but that doesn’t make it an insult. Trying to fit in here in Yeola-e, I find that I sometimes need to remind myself of that, but anyone marrying into a different people should expect such misunderstandings.

Li: So he has never learned how not to insult you accidentally?

Ni: Sib? Isn’t that kind of thing part of what every married couple goes through? The Niah-Yeoli misunderstandings added extra leeway for disagreement, but we’ve sworn to get past that. In fact I’m sure I inadvertently insulted him back... it’s something to talk out. We went through that mostly during the war, actually, when we forgot we were ally and commander.

Li: Is he dominating in the marriage?

Ni: Oh, no, sib. But I don’t think it’s the purview of this Committee to inquire into what we do in bed, is it? If anything, I have to be careful not to run roughshod over him.

Li: What you do in bed? I wasn’t asking about that; I don’t think I dare to. [laughter]

Ni: You were asking about how dominating Chevenga was.

Li: Domination makes you think of bed?

Ni: Perhaps it is the language... I find Chevenga a very gentle soul. Does that answer your question, sib?

Li: I think... we’d best just leave that with the assumption that we are indeed having a misunderstanding of language. I certainly do not want to stray outside the purview of the Committee. But, Niku, you don’t find he tends to insist he is right, and to want his way, in your relationship?

Ni: No, sib Servant. He is my husband, my friend and my love. He wouldn’t do what I think you are implying.

Li: Well, Niku, I mean only that he is strong-willed, as I don’t think anyone would dispute he is; I just wonder if he has ever carried that to excess in regard to you.

Ni: No, sib Servant, he never has.

Li: Niku, have you ever felt hurt by anything Chevenga has said to you?

Ni: Yes, I have, but that’s normal with humans as far as I know. Sib servant, have you never had such a quarrel with your own?

Li: It’s not my mental state that the Committee is investigating, sib Niku.

Ni: Of course, but I find Chevenga entirely normal that way.

Li: We set our mandate broad and so we look into everything that might either reflect or impact on his mental state. Niku, I am going to be very frank with you: you are under oath as you speak to us, but I think you are covering for him.

Ni: What?

Li: I regret having to accuse you, but I can’t help but notice the contradictions within what you’ve said.

Ni: Sib servant, I personally resent your accusation.

Li: This is not the appropriate place for your temper, and further, there is no need to personally resent, anyway; only to speak the truth. You speak as if your relationship with him is perfect, as if nothing is wrong, and yet you’ve told us that the marriage is, and I quote, “very wild,” and you and he have quarrelled as often as once a month.

Ni: I resent the accusation of lying, sib. No relationship is perfect and we have our problems.

Li: What are they, then?

Ni: Sib Servant… I will attempt to hold my temper here.

La: I advise the witness to not only attempt, but succeed, at holding her temper.

Ni: Yes. It seems to me that you are approaching your inquiry from certain assumptions that I do not share.

Li: Whether you share my assumptions or not, you are still required to answer.

Ni: Some of our arguments were based on my acceptance of Yeoli customs, some on his exhaustion and my misunderstandings; some are based on the fact that I have, justly or unjustly, blamed him for things that have made me unhappy, but that I need to deal with because I chose to marry a Yeoli. Is this sufficient an answer?

Li: I don’t understand the first part, if you’ll explain: arguments based on your acceptance of Yeoli customs?

Ni: I thought I could bear your stream-test. My child died because of it. My anger at myself for putting my own children in harm’s way because of my choice of husband is not the purview of this committee.

Li: Unless it touches upon his mental state; does it?

Ni: No. Our contention about whether more children of ours be stream-tested is no longer an issue.

Li: You said justly or unjustly blamed him for things that have made you unhappy; for which things have you blamed him justly, do you think?

Ni: Sib servant.... the only thing I could justly blame him for is if he deliberately clung to something I told him hurt me and how. I can honestly say that he has not done so, if I have managed to explain my hurt. He is very good at clearing up such misunderstandings. He is not malicious or I would not want him as a husband.

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