139 - The duel I lost to Kallijas

Chevenga walked into the eagle’s claws with open eyes

Ipicha Shae-Shaila called The Opinionated ; Terera Pages, etesora 92 1556

Fourth Chevenga, it seems, will be spared absolutely no personal revelations as the Chevengani Mental State Assessment Committee does its work. And while the revelation that prompted the convening of the Committee was striking, it’s arguable that the more recent revelation, which came out during his short but dramatic trial for not revealing his secret to Assembly, is much more historically significant.

For one thing, unlike the notion he had of an early death, the augury performed by Jinai Oru a little less than a moon before Chevenga ascended played out agonizingly true.

The relevant part of the transcript:

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4Che: It was what is called a forked reading; my aunt taught me how to work with augurs, or at least Jinai. It means you have two possible choices and want to know which one will play out better; so you declare and set in your mind that you are going to take one of them, and have him read, and then do the same with the other.

So I declared, “I will tell Assembly that which I am hiding.” Next line is “Getting nothing,” as he was—he was seeing nothing—and he was chattering in frustration about that when I asked him, “What does that mean when you see nothing?” His answer: “That you can’t bear to see it.”

I told him, “I have to see it; what l feel doesn’t matter,” and then he began. “Red armour, horseback, with a sun on their chests”—I interpreted that to mean the Sunborn Elite Cavalry of Arko—“you are on a black horse,”—that’s my Lakan destrier—“plains somewhere, just one horse to their many and they are all after you with long spears; war yells,” he is being me fighting, then it was “Aigh, mila, no, you cannot let this happen, I am seeing you die here, on spears and under hooves, the despair far worse than the pain for Yeola-e,” he is weeping here; “it’s a battle for all Yeola-e and we’ve lost it, Chevenga, you can’t let this happen.”

Now his addressing me as “mila,” short for “milakraseye,” meant I was not chakrachaseye and therefore must not be semanakraseye, since my intention was to appoint myself chakrachaseye. So I knew if I told I would not be approved. The rest I think explains itself.

So I then took the second fork: “I will not tell Assembly what I am hiding. Getting nothing again, doesn’t matter whether I can’t bear to see it, see it anyway,” I told him. He said, “It’s not that. It’s unclear—another fork—there’s something else you have to decide.”

So here a double-fork became a triple-fork, or perhaps you could call it a double-fork with one of its tines doubling. “No state visit to Arko, I’m not going,” I declared. So what I had in my mind was both that I would not tell, and that I wouldn’t go to Arko. And he began seeing.

“Too many, too many, already so many of us, dead, they had a trick, you have the shape of what they did in your mind but words can’t shape it, I can’t say it, words are not my gift. You are cursing that I couldn’t, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, sem’kras.” So here I’d been approved. Now I think what he was referring to was Triadas’s strategy, to muster an army on the border and so to draw us north, then attack from the sea to the south. So I would indeed be cursing Jinai for not being able to articulate that, and did a few times anyway, but he should never be faulted. He is not capable of trying any less than his best, and augury simply is not perfect. That is how it goes.

“Red armour with the sun on white horses,” the Sunborn Elite again, “so many of them, you are pulled away, semanakraseye, you can’t die here, they’re saying. Now on your feet fighting alone against a man in red armour, taller than you, blue eyes,” here he is me fighting, “aigh! On the head,” here he strikes me, “you are down, in the throat,” he points, “you can’t let this happen! So angry at yourself knowing you have lost and are dying, knowing we are going to be conquered, part of you wants death, you are thinking so many thoughts that pierce you worse than his sword, Chevenga, you can’t let this happen, you mustn’t let this happen, choose different!”

Now I didn’t know at the time, but I came to suspect later, that the man in red armour was Kallijas Itrean. That was confirmed for me when Jinai first saw Kallijas, years later, and recoiled in horror, saying to me, “I saw him kill you!” He remembered that, but forgot that it was in a fork I didn’t choose. Next line, I asked him, “How far ahead is this?” and he answered, “One year, two, something like that, choose something different!”

I’ve taken that to mean that, had I not gone to Arko, I’d have challenged Kallijas to a duel, or he’d have challenged me, or perhaps we’d have met on the field, and he would have beaten me. The difference was my experience in the Mezem, which is the best training imaginable for duels. Had I chosen that way, I’d never had got that. Not something I could know; but auguries play out without you understanding all of the reasons why, and so you can go by them without understanding all of the reasons why.

So, third fork: “I will go to Arko on a state visit.” And this is where you’ll see the things that played out true, because that was what I chose. He starts seeing and he says: “Arko. Arko. You are there, I can tell, because there are blondies everywhere and your thoughts are thinking of it as Arko-ness. Terrible things like dreams, that don’t make sense, you don’t want to know.” Of course you can’t say to Jinai, “Do you not remember I told you, a bare moment ago, to tell me everything?” Because he might not.

I said, “Yes I do. Don’t think for me, don’t clog up the stream of your seeing, just let it all flow out to me and let me do the thinking.” He says, “But you don’t like foreknowledge. A blob of jam of some kind of berry I don’t know but they’re turning into worm’s heads swimming in blood and crawling off the plate.” That was a hallucination I had, from the grium sefalian. I remember thinking, when I saw it, “That’s what Jinai saw!” He goes on, “There’s the black lightning bolt with the fork above you that never goes away,” meaning a crack in the ceiling of the oubliette that I saw far too much of. “Pain, so much pain, more pain than I can see, so much more than you can bear, so huge beyond imagining.” Any number of things during my first stay in Arko, that could be referring to, but it was most likely being tortured. “You’ll do the thinking, understand what it all means, fighting, Shakora, All-Spirit, Shakora! I hear someone saying the whole city is dead.” That he got, exact. “A man with blue eyes in red and gold armour, you’re fighting him though you love him,” that is Kallijas again, this time in the duel that happened.

Then he said, “Sem’kras, something you don’t want to know, but touches everything, should I tell you?” I set my teeth and just said, “Yes.”

“You are, there never is anything, in all your life, past a certain point, like you’re going to… I should warn you.”

Everyone knows now, what that meant. I just said, “I know. Just tell me what you see from me going to Arko.”

“Sorry, sem’kras, sorry, I see a, I don’t know, a huge thing with metal and wood pieces that’s alive, it’s moving all over in rhythm and making huge thumping clanging noises and I’m thinking, I mean, you’re thinking it’s a blessing to all the world.” That’s the Great Press of Arko. “And the wing thing, that too, same.” Did you all catch that? He foresaw the single-wing. In fact that was the second time; the first reading I did with him he saw me flying, the ground far below, and we both put it down to me dreaming.

I had no idea what these things were, of course; I just paid heed to the words “blessing to all the world.” He went on, “A crowd of blondies, Arkans, yelling your name, acclaiming you, you are speaking to them.” So I asked him, “How old am I?” and he instantly answered, “Twenty-seven. Arko-ness is twined with the whole rest of your life.” Next line, “That is all, he is done.” When Jinai is finished, he is finished; he exhausts himself, and he’ll sit or lie down right there, and he will not see another speck of augury no matter how desperately you want him to.

I shut myself in my room and screamed into the sheepskins for a while, and I spoke to my mother for comfort for a while more, and I thought about it all, and slept on it, and decided.

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